Monthly Archives: March 2008

Russian Omelette: A Most Dangerous Game

True story:

My friend Bob was an amazing character, musician, shaman, mentor, teacher, psychologist and a close friend. He was always trying to outdo himself.

One Christmas he stood outside of our house with his trumpet, unannounced. We could hear him playing Christmas carols. We opened the door and he marched in improvising jazz riffs based on traditional Christmas music. He marched up the stairs without saying a word and kept playing. He stayed for a few minutes trumpet to his lips, making sweet sounds.

He then marched down the back stairs, still playing, and left. We could hear the sounds of the trumpet in the distance as he walked home through the woods. That was Bob.  Always making simple events, incredible. You get the picture.

One Easter Morning, he hopped in my room, wearing a bunny suit. He threw a party invitation on my bed, and hopped away.

 The invitation stated, we were invited to his house, for an Easter Brunch. After breakfast we were going to play Russian Omelette.

Russian Omelette,” I thought, “what’s that?”

After an incredible gourmet brunch, Bob explained it was time to play the game. 

He produced a carton of eggs and opened it as he explained: “Russian Omelette is very similar to Russian Roulette. Instead of using a gun, we are going to use eggs.”

Everyone around the table was speechless.

“All of the eggs in this carton are hard boiled, except one. One of the eggs is raw.  We will pass this carton around the table. When the carton is in front of you, you will place an egg on top of your head and then smash it down with your hand. ”

The carton of eggs was passed around. There was tension and dread as each person in turn took an egg and smashed it down on their head.

Hard boiled egg after hard boiled egg was smashed on each head.

Fiinally, there was one egg left and the egg carton was placed in front of one person: me.

I hesitantly placed the egg on top of my head. I was sweating. I was nervous. I didn’t want to get egg all over my face.

Before I could react, someone hit my hand pressing the egg with great force, then…

nothing happened.

All the eggs were hardboiled. Bob had scammed us.

I learned an important lesson in life that day. Sometimes the anticiaption of dread can be worse than the actual event you are dreading. And sometimes, the anticipation of something great can be better than actually getting it. How true.

Now every Easter, I reflect on on Bob and our memorable game of Russian Omelette. And I remember the lesson I learned.

Thanks Bob. Thanks for a wonderful lesson in life. I miss you.

Albert Grande

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My $41 Million Dollar Letter (and Yours, too)

I got a letter from the IRS, last week. Believe me, I only like letters from the IRS, when there is a check inside. This letter did not contain a check.

“Dear Taxpayer…” the letter said.

I was sweating. I was in a panic. I felt faint. I thought I had paid my taxes. I had all of my receipts and cancelled checks. I had declared all of my income from Google (adsense), Amazon, Clickbank as well as countless other affiliate programs I belong to. All of my other products I sold through Paypal  had been declared. My 1099’s were an open book.

I was expecting to find an audit had already been scheduled.
I read on…

Wait a minute: the IRS was sending me money. Great I thought. Finally, I’m getting some cash. $600 if I was single or $1,200 if I was married. Alright, I’m getting $1,200.

Sounded like a wonderful idea, I thought, at the time.

Then, I discovered, my IRS letter went out to every single taxpayer in the U.S. to the tune of $41,000,000.  You read that correctly: $41,000,000.

A $41,000,000 letter telling me the check was in the mail.

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but $41,000,000 is not pocket change.

How many hungry people could that money have fed? How many homeless shelters or homes could have been built? How much could have gone to cancer research? Aids research? Or other worthwhile projects.

How many jobs could that money have created? The IRS could have paid people to call up taxpayers to explain they had a check coming. Heck, I would have called a couple of hundred people myself, if the price was right.

My friends at the Motley Fool have their own spin on this issue. You can read the story here.

Maybe its just me, but, the IRS, could have found a better way to spend the money. They could have easily,  just put the letter in the same envelope as the check, I will be getting.

At least then, I wouldn’t have been so nervous when the letter came. Or as angry when I found out their letter wasted $41,000,000 that could have been spent on something worthwhile.

Happy Spending,

Albert Grande

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